i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
