I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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