you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
