I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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