Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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