Kiss
Puke
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When did angry sex become our thing?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
