Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
