She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
