i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
