Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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