He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
