call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
