i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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