Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
