so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
