i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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