I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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