is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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