dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
