I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
