We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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