You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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