Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
