OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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