My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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