There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
