my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
