a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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