I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
