I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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