He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
