whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
