Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
