i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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