chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
