i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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