Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
