I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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