I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
