he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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