He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
