The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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