Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
