I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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