my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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