I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
