Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
