Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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