It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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