The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
