Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
