I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
