smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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