Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
