1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
